Catika's Catastrophic Character Conundrums

Title: Republic Commando: Burdens
Timeline: Clone Wars (21 BBY or something)
Characters: Sigma Squad (Oni, Morj, Gev, and Jatne), Amiel (Padawan), Signe (Master), Avan (Knight), Captain Harsh (ARC Trooper), Amyr and Rem (Mandalorians), Jatne and Tracyn (their son and daughter). There are more but they're listed in my profile!
Genre: Drama primarily.
Plot/Summary: Sigma Squad has more issues than the Republic, and working with an annoying Padawan and her unsure Master only complicate things more. The commandos have to grapple with the problems of their past and reconcile the problems of their present while Amiel and Signe confront their own weaknesses. I really wish I could make it sound more interesting.

Part one is comprised of very, very short stories to set up the characters and their backgrounds, part two follows a plot, and part three is trying to wrap some things up. I plan on writing a separate Order 66 story!

"Don't carry burdens you don't have to."

I really appreciate critical reviews. I mean, tear it apart. I know a lot of you are already reading it, and for that I am grateful. You guys rock!

Title: Order 66: Chances
Timeline: Clone Wars (21 BBY or something)
(SPOILERS!) Characters:
Sigma Squad (Sprocket, Morj, Splinter, and Jatne), Amiel (Padawan), Signe (Master), Avan (Knight), Captain Harsh (ARC Trooper), Amyr and Rem (Mandalorians), Jatne and Tracyn (their son and daughter). There are more but they're listed in my profile!
Genre: Drama/Adventure
Plot/Summary: Chancellor Palpatine goes on a power trip and clones try to kill Jedi who try to kill them back. You know the drill.

"Has the Chancellor had the commander's calls screened for the past three months? No!"

Title: Unfold
Timeline: Rise of the Empire (17 BBY or something)
Characters: Jatne Meshkad (Mandalorian), Tracyn (his little sister), the rest of the Meshkad clan, a special surprise clone, Teroch Galaar (Jatne's Mando bff), Nola Tanostell (Imperial pharmacy intern), and others!
Genre: Adventure. Hopefully.
Plot/Summary: Jatne's parents left him for ten years to train clones on Kamino. Naturally, he's a little messed up about it. This is a story about navigating through early adulthood, relationships, and family. That's all I got so far, at least!

"I was her bodyguard. I did my job. She wanted the extra bit."

Title: Collision Theories
Timeline: Old Republic
Characters: Cal Kimbli, Row Sejwic, Noa Briggs (and more to come once they have names)
Genre: Adventure/Romance
Plot/Summary: Cal was once a quiet office clerk before she was assigned to be part of the investigation team for the murder of a Jedi. After a Sith tracks her down and tries to kill her, she is continually hunted, putting herself and her allies at risk.

"Thanks. I can't say it enough. You really saved me back there."

"I've got enough thanks remembering that helpless look on your face when you were clinging to me."

*Eagerly awaits Chances* Like, for SERIOUS.

Catika wrote:

Unfold (Sexually frustrated Jatne Meshkad tries to find a job and get a girl)

*Snerk* That is such an awesome description...

Indeed. Chances sounds like a Smallville episode without the suck.

Good luck on your next chapter by the way!

BUMP!

Chapter 12: Machines has been posted, thus completing BURDENS!

Whooph, that was a ride. It's such a relief to be done with this story! :) I've been working on it since October!

Now, onto Order 66... *evil scheming laughter*

Oh my god it's over with? I have to go read it.

BUMP!

UNFOLD is posted!

This story is all about Jatne Meshkad and the aftermath of the Clone Wars! It stars Mandalorians.

Rem put the pot of water over the stove and ran his hand over his hair. "So you slept with the Senator, Jatne? Is that it?"

"Way to jump to conclusions, Dad!" Jatne was about ready to jump back in his ship and find a hotel to stay in rather than face the ridicule of his father.

"Well?"

"I caught them sleeping together!" Tracyn said. Her brother and father stared at her with open mouths. "Jatne was all cuddling her, and she was all snuggly with him!" Tracyn hugged herself and made kissing noises to demonstrate.

Jatne and Rem stared at Tracyn for a moment, both seeming relieved that she didn't catch the euphemism. Then Jatne stiffened and looked at his father, who returned his gaze with a hard glare. "That's not what you were paid to do."

"I was her bodyguard. I did my job. She wanted the extra bit."

Rem let out a heavy sigh and went to the cupboard, taking out various jars of spices and slabs of preserved meat. "Us Meshkads," he said, a grin crossing his face, "we're hard to resist."

Just got half-way in and I can already say that I like this very, very much! Since I'm not done reading I can't spoil it for anyone so I'll just point out how great your writing is in this one. It was great in "Burdens" but I wasn't all that into all the characters. It's good to just focus on a few at a time! This is sweet and easy to read. Thank you

Thanks Daennika!

All right. It's up. ORDER 66: CHANCES!!11one


A transmission beeped on Captain Harsh's com. The red-painted ARC Trooper turned his back on his Jedi partner as he sat at a console re-submitting lost data and checking the archives for damage. "Harsh, I'm on a roll. Take it outside please?"

"Of course." Harsh left the room in two long strides and stood outside of the open doorway to answer the transmission. A blue hologram of a hooded figure appeared.

"Execute Order 66," Chancellor Palpatine said.

"Yep," said Harsh, turning off his com. He put it back on his belt. He let his arms drop to his sides.

Turning around, Harsh walked into the room and took in everything. Jedi Knight Avan Kaden had his back to the door and he was checking his datapad and a console against the wall. Harsh strode up behind him and didn't wait. He grabbed the back of the Jedi's head and slammed it into the wall before throwing him down on the floor. The ARC Trooper took out his pistol, aimed, and fired.

Review of newest Chances chapter (also posted on FF.net):

"Any specialties?" "Not getting killed."

That was hilarious.

I really enjoyed the part with Slon and Naro duking it out over what to do about Amiel. It was realistically approached and touching in the way brothers hitting brothers could only be. It was great how Naro kept yelling at her to get back in her room, it was very desperate. I'm glad you gave him a reason as to why he was defending her.

GAH; why did you have to end the chapter there? I impatiently yet politely ask you to hurry and write the next one.

Thanks Mems! Can I call you Mems? :p And I think I replied to your review on FF.net. But now I can't remember.

Anyway. With nothing short of a minor breakdown last night, I'm pretty sure I'm not going to be able to update my stories until later next week at the earliest. It's the end of the semester and naturally things are busy, and I haven't even had a chance to outline my chapters.

No worries though--I have all the plots in my head! Just not the time to write them and make them work. I'm thinking even if I can get one chapter up after next week, it will be my last update before May when school is out. Then I'll have lots of time.

Thanks for sticking with me. :3

Mems is swell. And, even though I want more of your story, no rush on it! I understand completely; I had the end of a quarter last week plus my ACT and coming up is my MCA grad test.

Order 66: Chances chapter TWO is uuuuup! Finally.

"I've seen you use the Force to protect me, my brothers, even an enemy of your kind--a Mandalorian. You and I are both alive today because of it. I think 'ironic' is the adjective I'm looking for."

DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNNNN.

Lol the anthem for Order 66, Everybody's Changing by Keane.

I read it.

I didn't know Clayne had his own ship. That's cool.

Yeah I gave him one for his birfday. Is that cool? :3 I'm like his fun aunt!

And thanks for the review!

I wanted to sleep early, and then I decided to catch up.

I just finished reading Burdens again, and let me say: amazing. I absolutely love the characterizations (my favorite happens to be Morj). I also enjoyed the shorts moved along by dialogue, it really shows the depth of personality between characters.

Soo yes. I hadn't realized how much love you meant when you say A Cornucopia of Loooove, but surprisingly I enjoyed it. It wasn't too heavy on the lovey-dovey fluff, keeping an even balance with story, general drama and war-time-combat. Groovy, says I.

You sacrificed sleep for Burdens? I'm getting teary-eyed!

Another Morj fan! One of my roommates loves him too. I think he's going to gather a cult following, that Morj.

Thank you so much for the feedback! I'm glad the story is still holding together considering the first half of it was written with no intention of having a sequel or anything like that. It's basically my goal in life to include romance without having it take over the story. That happened to one of my National Novel Writing Month manuscripts, and after a second read-through I was like "GAG!"

Sooo yeah. Thanks again! I wish there was a hug emote.

No problem I enjoyed reading it!

Sooo I just got done with Unfold. It's pretty good, and I like the premise. While it's not straight out abandonment per se, it's close to it, so I'm really interested in how Jatne's developed.

"I caught them sleeping together!" Tracyn said. Her brother and father stared at her with open mouths. "Jatne was all cuddling her, and she was all snuggly with him!" Tracyn hugged herself and made kissing noises to demonstrate.

Adorable! I love how cute and innocent Tracyn is, and the scandalized reactions of both Jatne and Rem.

"It was a lot different from how you taught me," Jatne replied with a hesitant chuckle. "Nobody really prepared me for a Rutian Twi'lek as a client."
I don't think anyone can truly be prepared for a female Twi'lek.


Jatne froze. He and his sister were not their mother's only children as far as Jatne was concerned. When a clone came ambling down the ramp of the ship, Jatne was not surprised. No, he was a little mad.

There was always some clone stealing his glory.

I think you could do with expanding a little more on Jatne's reactions/emotions/what he's feeling. It ends a little abruptly at glory, and you might want to clarify that a bit more, either by edit or in the next chapter. (You plan to continue this, right? =P)

Catika wrote:

Order 66: Chances chapter TWO is uuuuup! Finally.

"I've seen you use the Force to protect me, my brothers, even an enemy of your kind--a Mandalorian. You and I are both alive today because of it. I think 'ironic' is the adjective I'm looking for."

DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNNNN.

Lol the anthem for Order 66, Everybody's Changing by Keane.

I liked this chapter, it was full of fun Having already sent a review on FF.net I wont say the same things here, just wanna congratulate you on getting back into writing which I have yet to do myself.

You dealt admirably with Signe's fate and even though I was expecting something worse to happen to her I've figured that you can't kill your main character unless you got - yet - another spin-off idea roaming about! Law is awesome, he deserves love and it's cool that you gave him so much screen time.

The final combat scene was confusing, and heart-breaking in the end, still I found myself rooting for the commandos anyway because you have this very "detached" way of describing things that helps me picture what's going on in my own way.

But please don't make Kaden and Harsh go all hot and bother for each other or I will be forever grossed out. It would be worse than a pervy Vannevar! They could do great things as totally straight men with no other motives than to be cool while riding a speeder.

So keep the good work going

Anecdote wrote:

I think you could do with expanding a little more on Jatne's reactions/emotions/what he's feeling. It ends a little abruptly at glory, and you might want to clarify that a bit more, either by edit or in the next chapter. (You plan to continue this, right? =P)

I definitely agree! Burdens was a mishmash of vignette-like emotions and scenes, and I need to try and get out of that with Unfold. I'm stumbling currently, wondering why my chapter word counts are jumping up while my plot ceases to advance. Sigh.

I'm not gonna lie, I put an unnecessary amount of bitterness on Jatne about his parents. I never really pick up on that "glory" thing, either, and while I tried to touch on it again in the following scene, I've given up. I should have reworked the end of that first chapter, but I posted it anyway. Basically, Jatne's brilliant homecoming from his job was sort of ruined because Amyr came home with a clone who is a war vet that has gone through more than Jatne has. It was just a little jealousy, I suppose.

Daennika wrote:

The final combat scene was confusing, and heart-breaking in the end, still I found myself rooting for the commandos anyway because you have this very "detached" way of describing things that helps me picture what's going on in my own way.

First off, thanks for you FF.net review! I fixed the name-calling at the end of Kaden/Harsh's scene and tweaked the Signe scene just a little to try and make it more clear. As for the last fight scene, yeah--totally rushed. Also needs to be fixed. :/

Daennika wrote:

But please don't make Kaden and Harsh go all hot and bother for each other or I will be forever grossed out.

I put a lot of thought into it, and I'm abandoning that pairing. Avan is still flaming, however. Him and Harsh will be buddies for life! Just not butt buddies.

Thanks guys! I know what I need to work on now. Chapter 2 of Unfold is coming along and I should be able to post it in the next couple of days!

I got excited to read Order 66: Chances, and then realized there's only two chapters. Oh nooooo.

One thing I just noticed about the dating-- ABY stands for "After Battle of Yavin", so you might want to change that to BBY sometime soon, lol =P

Anyway, on to my rambling.
Chapter 1 did a wonderful job setting up the speed and tone for the rest of Chances. Everything came across quite clearly in my head, I could see everything happening. A good setup, with just enough suspense to keep me reading and worried about the characters in question, without overpowering the scenes.

"Listen very carefully," he said. "I'm going to play this by ear."
A great line to end the chapter with.

Chapter 2
Law's screentime- a brilliant setup, and a clever way to get into Law's head without ... well, getting into his head. lol. I happen to like Signe's honesty, and the disappointment in herself comes across clearly. Law's own response with what the Force is and isn't, is also an interesting spin on the situation.

She felt his eyes on him, softening as they rarely did
Is that supposed to say 'his eyes on her'?

There was an odd sense of solace about the barrel of the pistol, an endless darkness inside that Signe wondered if she was ready to join.
Personally, I found this to be a very poignant moment. Not a lot of people can face down the barrel of a weapon pointed at them with a sort of detached calm, and I really like how Signe does it--to me, it shows how much she's grown since the beginning of the war. (Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think she would have been so thoughtful of her situation had she been the same person as she was at the start of Burdens compared to now.)

The final scene of chapter 2 is very bittersweet, and though I'm rooting for the clones I'm almost sympathetic for the Jedi as well.

Overall, my favorite part happens to be Harsh bashing Kaden's skull, just to see if he could. Heheh.

Thanks Anecdote! I fixed the typos. I have pronoun and number issues sometimes.

And I'm totally relieved that you guys liked how Signe and Law have ended up so far. I was originally going to kill Law, but it didn't feel right. >>

Now I present: Chapter 2 of Unfold, Wingman!

Jatne sat in the speeder with his hands on the controls. "Ever been a wingman, Jatne?"

"No, Jatne, I haven't."

"Well, Jatne, it's quite simple."

"Is it going to be like this all night, Jatne?" the clone asked.

"Yes, Jatne, it is. This is my first night home after breaking up with a smokin' Twi'lek Senator. I know you were in a war or what-have-you, but you do owe me one since I rescued you from being a prisoner of war."

The clone sighed. "I suppose I do."

"When approaching two girls, the wingman engages the ugly one, letting his friend converse with the target. It's really easy."

"What if the ugly friend doesn't take interest in me?"

Jatne stared at the clone, envious of his massive, athletic frame and charmingly grizzled face. "Trust me. These aren't Coruscantii girls. They're going to love you. Tell 'em about your ear, and you'll be a star."

Chapter 3 of Order 66: Chances

Jatne lingered away from the squad, walking aimlessly around the abandoned Jedi gardens where sculptures had been erected for legendary heroes. The gardens were littered with bits of stone debris, charred plants, and corpses. Pieces of clones and roasted Jedi. Jatne had been to battlefields, but never one where the Republic had fought itself. He paused for a moment by a statue on the sidewalk. He looked up at the robed figure, then down at the plaque. Bastila Shan. He didn't know who she was, but she was cracking around the left shoulder, and part of the foundation had been chipped away. Jatne shut his eyes and tried to erase the images of the dead Jedi Master, but he couldn't. He recalled the Padawans instead--one of them he knew. Sennia, Gev's purple Twi'lek. What if it had been her attacking? What if it was General Tur-Maken, Amiel, or General Amrun?

Jatne missed killing droids. Simple, mindless droids. Sitting down, Jatne took off his helmet and set it in his lap. He reached inside and turned off his com.

Happy Memorial Day!

LE GASP! hehe
I really enjoyed these latest segments.

Chapter 2 of Return to Mandalore: Unfold. The grudging respect between both Jatnes, the potential for a strong friendship in the future, and the awkward second encounter at the end--all of it is easily pictured in my head and felt very real.

I'm curious as to what clone!Jatne was doing outside... but that will come in due time, yes? Yes.

Chapter 3 of Order 66: Chances was very well done. I especially found Jatne's... disappearance to be quite powerful, as well as Morj's response.

Tracyn straightened. "Really?"

"Please. Take it."

"You sure?"

This was really sweet... and my favorite part of the whole chapter.

Yes yes, we will learn more about clone!Jatne's antics. And soon I won't have to worry about differentiating Mando!Jatne and clone!Jatne. THANK MANDA.

I'm trying to decide if I want to catch up with Morj and Avan/Harsh before I jump to the epilogue. I do have one more scene I want to hit before I epilogue-ify, but I don't know about adding any more. We shall seeee.

Thanks for the feedback! I was really pissed at the end of Unfold so I just went RARGH and posted it. :p Order 66 had a little more coddling and love.

Well done on chapter 2 of Unfold! I liked it and wished it was a little longer, don't be afraid to type in more details and longer dialogues - but you like to make things short and sweet, that's fine too

More people from FF should review that story though. I don't want to copy/paste mine so I'll just add that it's awesome how Mando!Jatne is being so supportive and brotherly towards Clone!Jatne which comes to show that having friends is not a given, even for Mando's on Mandalore. Quite a sad and depressing realization but I thought it'd be interesting to point out.