Tenna's Tall Tales Plus a Ridiculous Story About a RC Squad

My Jedi! All except Sennia, because I didn't feel like drawing a Twi'lek at the moment.
Left to right: Lyda Kala, Guy Ramseur, Tsun Ga'ni, and Clayne Ves'len.
Lyda's standing on a rock you can't see.

Title: Meat Cans
Timeline: Around 22 BBY
Characters:
Jedi Masters: Guy Ramseur (Human) and Tsun Ga'ni (Kiffar)
Jedi Padawans: Lyda Kala (Human), Sennia Inada (Purple Twi'lek), Clayne Ves'len (Human)
Clone Commanders: Kilik, Muro, Aran, Gov, Hugh, Gaato, Fly, Skewer.
Troopers: Headshot, Clack, Tak, Champ, Sprocket (Catika's!), Jet, Veer, Buzz, Messer, Punt, Med, Zero.
Civvies: Sabine, Jon, Breya, Lorens, Hector.

((There's going to be more troopers, but those are the ones that have been introduced. I can organize this better later if it makes things easier.))

Genre: Adventure/Drama/Comedy
Plot/Summary: The story focuses on Clone Troopers and the Jedi they're involved with.
The current plot takes place after a long battle ending in a Republic victory. However, a battle still goes on in the sky above them. They are unable to leave until the battle ends. On top of that, General Ramseur has gone missing. General Ga'ni must keep things under control and find the missing General. In the meantime, the troopers find ways to entertain themselves while 'working.'
Links: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4833613/1/Meat_Cans


Excerpt from Chapter One: Regroup and Recover

Outside Base Camp

Sprocket lay on his back and looked closely at the wiring on the back of a fizzade machine. The machine stood out like a sore thumb in piles of durasteel and dust. He rewired and the machine lit up back to life.

“Niiiiice Sprock. Anybody got any creds?” Champ asked his trooper brothers behind him. The three clones looked at each other and the back at Champ.

“You don’t need credits with me boys,” Sprock said as he began to rewire the machine so it didn’t need credits to vend.

“Can’t we just break it open?” Headshot asked.

“And chance ruining all the drinks inside?” Champ replied.

“It’s not like there’s a det strapped to it,” Headshot muttered.

“Let Sprock have his fun,” Clack said defending their geeky brother. Tak stood silently with his hand on his hips and tapped his boot on the ground.

“What happened to finding the General?” Tak asked.

“When we find him he’ll be thirsty,” Clack explained to Tak.

Crappy picture of Ashivod and Asuna art. Sorry Nari and Thee, I guess I don't love you as much.

Title: Tandem
Timeline: 17 BBY
Characters:
Asuna Ga'ni, Female Kiffar Freighter Pilot, Age 20
Nari Dau, Female Human Mandalorian, Age 21
Ashivod Mon, Male Human Mandalorian, Age 23
Theodore Cole, Male Human Imperial Navy Ensign Age 22
D0D0- Astromech Droid
Genre: Adventure/Humor
Plot/Summary: Asuna is a young freighter pilot who discovers two Mandalorians, Nari and Ashivod, looking through her barge's cargo one day. After some confusion, the three befriend each other. Asuna trades her bulk freighter for her parents old light weight freighter, The Tandem. The three live together on the ship making deliveries and picking up odd jobs here and there. All the while running into trouble and causing it.
Links: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4952733/1/Tandem

Chapter Excerpt

“This is just a big misunderstanding… maybe we could work something out with him?” Asuna asked. Ashivod scoffed at that suggestion.

“How are we going to do that?” he asked her.

“Talk to him, bribe him, threaten him,” she replied crossing her arms and narrowing her eyes at him.

“Sure, we’ll do that. But before we do that, something’s been bothering me. Why in the world do you have fifty toy droids on the ship that were mistaken as suspicious cargo?” he asked her. Nari slumped against the wall and sighed.

“Come on Ashivod, that’s not helping anyone out…”

“Aren’t you in the least bit curious too? We hardly had enough money for supplies and this whole Imperial shenanigan has us behind schedule. We’ll be lucky if we get half as many credits as we thought we would!” Ashivod said.

“We’re not that behind schedule or that broke. And if we’re going to start pointing fingers it was your idea to take a hostage,” Nari fought back.

“I was trying to get us out of there! It worked didn’t it?!”

“Oh, like a charm Ashivod, like a charm,” Nari replied sarcastically. Asuna looked back and forth as they snapped at each other. She fidgeted and tried to stay out of it.

“Look, I just wanted an answer!” Ashivod said back.

“BECAUSE THEY MAKE ME HAPPY, OKAY?!” Asuna exclaimed. Ashivod and Nari both look over at Asuna with shocked and startled expressions.

“I like lining them all up, turning them on, and watching them move around, all right?” Asuna explained. They stared at her. Neither was sure what to say.

“You needed fifty of them to do this?” Ashivod asked.

Look at those cute Jedi! Tsun is my favorite with her "BITCH I HAVE A RIOT STICK" pose. *swoon*

GO FORTH INTO THE TUNDRA XI SQUAD!

It was too dangerous to inspect his injury. The wind lashed against Messer’s helmet and the snow distorted his vision. He could hardly make out his squad mates in their white armor.

“Hey, it’s not that bad! I don’t even use my left hand that much!” Messer said. Sachem knelt down and put his hand on Messer’s shoulder. Sachem had eyes that could pierce through his visor and into another brother’s visor. Strange, Messer though they all had the same eyes.

“Messer, we’ll be back. Stay here and keep that signal alive for the Republic. Boom, Viper, and I are going to have to go into stealth mode so we’ll have to get rid of anything that might give out our position. WE NEED YOU HERE BROTHER,” Sachem said giving him a firm shake. Sachem pushed himself up from Messer’s shoulder and motioned to Boom and Viper that they were going to head out in the tundra. Messer watched them run out into the great whiteness and disappear.


MESSER ALONE, ENTER ZETA SQUAD!

Messer, formerly part of Xi Squad, writes:

Sachem, Boom, and Viper have given M.I.A. a new idiotic meaning. I feel stupid every time the higher ups make me explain it to them.

‘Yes sir, they did wander off into the roaring tundra and get lost. No sir, they discharged anything that could give their location.’

Anyway… with their dumb luck they’re probably alive. Doing what, I don’t know. Apparently the Sep base is still there. Captain Groniak just gave the order to fire at it. Because we couldn’t just do that before could we Captain? Oh no, let’s send out some men in the tundra. For kriffing sakes…

I’m getting a new squad today. If there is an all mighty power guiding the universe like the Jedi say maybe it’ll take pity on me and set me up with a real squad of brothers.

“Messer! Oh come on now, you’re not old enough to start avoiding your old man!” Rem Meshkad said as he took Messer in a big tight hug. Their armor clanked as Messer stood awkwardly limp in his training officer’s grip. Right after he let him go he gave him a solid head butt. Messer’s helmet was off. Rem’s wasn’t.

“Messer, meet Zeta! Zeta, meet Messer, your new medic!” Rem said introducing them all. Messer looked in front of him and saw… six commandos? Each was waving a glove at him. Messer covered his eyes and waved back.

“Hi… I’m the medic…” He told them.

“Hi Messer, I’m Striker, squad leader and sniper,” Striker said with a little salute. Messer took his hand away from his eyes to see that there were just three commandos, not six.

“This is Kyrat, communications, and Punt who’s our demolitionist. Welcome to Zeta Squad Messer. Sergeant Meshkad’s told us a lot about you,” he continued. Messer looked over at Rem.

“A lot of what about me?” he asked the old man. Rem slapped him on the back and looked at him.

“Remember that time with Xi in Coruscant?”

“No...” Messer looked back Zeta.

“Wow! I couldn’t eat for the rest of the day after hearing that story!” Punt said to Messer.

“Try a week,” Messer said. If this Punt guy said anything more about the time on Coruscant with his old squad he was going to have to choke a brother. Rem gave a jovial laugh and slapped Messer on the back again.

“You boys run along and get acquainted. I’ve got work to do, busy, busy, busy,” Rem left Messer standing with his three new brothers. Kyrat rose an eyebrow at him. He seemed to be the only one who noticed the desperation in Messer’s eyes.

“Right then, let’s get something to eat, I’m starved,” Striker said as he led the way to the mess hall. Kryat passed Messer, and Messer followed behind the two. Punt moved up along side his new brother.

“Is your favorite thing the mess hall and that’s why you’re named Messer?” Punt asked him.

“Do I look like a the mess hall is my favorite place to be?” Messer asked him.

“No I guess not, you’re a bit on the thin side. But judging by the subtle changes in your body language and tone of voice, I’d say your favorite place to be is alone in your bunk with a holovid of the latest romantic comedy starring Ardna Vane and Reggie Gen. And taking in to account that you’ve quickened your pace I’m probably right. But we’re all brothers now and there shouldn’t be any secrets kept between us! Right?” Punt asked him. Messer was trying to catch up with Kyrat and Striker. In his earlier observations, Kyrat looked like a buzz kill and Striker had a smiley face painted on his glove… a sign that could of meant he was a fun guy, had a sick sense of humor, or was a dotard. Messer saw the smiley face more as a sign of great character now. Striker suddenly stopped and Messer rammed into the back of him.

“Did it ever occur to you, Punt, that Messer just lost his brothers and he might not be ready to talk about it?” Striker put his hand on Messer’s shoulder and narrowed his eyes at Punt.

“Actually I’m pretty good to talk about it,” Messer said rubbing his nose. Striker turned towards Messer and put his other hand on his shoulder. Messer was pretty sure they were all the same size… but why did striker seem taller than him? Messer’s eyes wandered down and he noticed the heel on Striker’s boots were a little taller. Did he do that himself or was there a mix up in the factory?

“Don’t suffer in silence Messer,” Striker said. He waited until Messer looked him in the eye, before he let go and walked away. Punt strolled up beside Messer.

“So how’d you lose your squad?” Punt asked.

“Got injured, they left me behind and wandered blindly into a snowstorm to finish the mission. And then no one could find them because of their white armor,” Messer answered.

“Ooohhh. It happens.”

“I guess."

This had me laughing my ass off.

Messer is just so tragically hilarious, and I know that's horrible to say, but he's just like the bad luck guy in this. I hope things start looking up for him. *beginning to make Team Messer shirts*

Also, what's up with Striker the squad leader sniper?! Is he gay? Is that it?

I thought it was hilarious that Rem head-butted Messer with his helmet on. He would do that under the assumption that his commandos were manly enough to take it.

I CAN'T WAIT FOR MORE! GO GO GO!

LMFAO

This is... is really funny, without appearing in the slightest bit unrealistic. The idea that a squad could get lost and not be found by anyone is ironic, hilarious, and entirely plausible. His new squadmates are eccentric, unusual, and a little... out there.

I really feel for Messer here. He just lost his squad, he can't be certain if they're dead or alive, due to an idiot's mistake. Then he gets saddled with a couple of... strange brothers, who rub him the wrong way and know more about past embarrassing events involving him before he even knows their names.

"I’ve got work to do, busy, busy, busy.”
Rem Meshkad... ahaha. Just too funny. XD

This is a drabble about one of my clone troopers life after the GAR. In a nut shell, he fakes his death and marries a girl. They own a pawn shop and eventually move to Mandalore. This is a short story about them. In particular, one of their daughters.
----


“Aww look honey…” a young female tugged lightly on her husband’s coat sleeve with a limp arm. She hugged his arm closely as she looked at the shop’s window display. A holovid of mother sitting next to a cradle and tucking her baby in played. He smiled and stood behind his wife and wrapped his arms securely around her and kissed her head.

“I want her room to be pink. Pink sheets, pink stuffed toys, pink diapers, pink clothes, pink chairs pink-” She giggled as her husband tickled her on the sides. She smiled serenely, turned around and looked up at him.

“What if she doesn’t like pink?” he asked her. His wife’s face dropped. She turned away and started walking away. He stood confused for a moment and then went quickly after her but stayed away a little as if he had been a bad pet hound.

“If you don’t want everything to be pink just say so,” she said back to him. He hurried his steps so he was closer to her.

“Honey, it’s fine! It can all be pink! I was just… well I don’t know!”

“This baby likes the color pink. I can tell!”

“Okay! She loves pink, you love pink, I love pink! We’ll make the room all different shades of pink! Sweetie don’t get upset… let’s go get dessert…”

-8 years later-

Neva flung black paint on her powder pink walls.

“Mom’s gonna be so mad at you. I’m telling.”

Neva looked back at her younger sister who stood in the doorframe pulling at the hem of her jumper. Neva put a finger to her mouth and shushed her sister quietly.

“I’m still telling,” her younger sister said. The little black haired girl reacted as if her older sister was doing something absolutely heinous.

“Mom said I could paint my walls whatever color I wanted,” Neva explained.

“She said you could pick any color. Dad’s gonna paint them.”

“Mom said I could.”

“No she didn’t.”

“Yeah, she just did. Go ask her,” Neva watched her four year old sister stand and stare at her for a moment, before back out the door. She ran down the hall to the kitchen where her mother was in the kitchen trying to feed her two year old sister.

“Mooooooom,” the girl said as she came in.

“Just a second Itti, could you get me another towel? Your sister thinks my hair needs the food more than she does,” she asked the four year old. Itti huffed and dragged over her little stool to reach the towels. She stood on her tips toes and batted at the towel with her fingers as she tried to get it. Suddenly she felt someone lifted her up so she could reach the towel.

“Daddy!” she said as she grabbed the towel. Her father set her back on the ground and gently pinched her cheek before she ran off to give her mother the towel. He went over to his wife and kissed her on the cheek. He stopped for a moment before standing up again.

“You taste like muja, “ he told her.

“No! No muja!” the little two year old stated.

“Kee told me that she doesn’t want any muja five times this morning… Kee you liked it yesterday, it’s the same thing,” his wife said with a pleasant yet slightly irritated tone. Her husband put his finger in the muja mush and stuck in his mouth.

“Mmm good muja,” he said. Kee looked up at her dad and then at the muja before sticking he spoon in and eating it. He went to the other side of his wife and leaned down to kiss her on the other cheek.

“Gotta take care of the shop, how are you and number four?”

“Fine, it’s another girl.”

“Well, at least there won’t be as many surprises- what is it Itti?” he turned and looked at his daughter who was tugging on his pant leg.

“Neva’s painting her room black.”

“She wants it black?” he asked. He looked at his wife and she rolled her eyes and shrugged.

“Yeah, she’s flinging black all over the walls right now.”


Neva closed her eyes and put her hands out in front of her. She felt the water hit her hands. Her father turned off the hose and started to scrub the paint off.

“I told you I was going to paint your room on this weekend,” he scolded her. She said nothing and watched him try to get the black paint off her hands.

“You should know better than to go off and do something like that on your own,” he lectured her.

“Sorry, I just wanted to help,” Neva said. Her father stopped scrubbing her hands as hard.

“Well if you want, you can help me fix your walls.”

“Can I say no?”

“No, you have to help me fix it, Nevah Evah. Why don’t you come help me in the shop today?” he suggested. His wife had plenty to do today. She shouldn’t have to worry about Neva trying to paint the walls again.

“So you can keep an eye on me?” she asked. Her father chuckled.

“Yes. But I’ve been thinking about training you so you can take over for me sometimes when things get busy.”

“Like when the other baby comes?”

“Yes, like when your sister comes.”

-5 years later-

“And then, it blew up into tiny pieces! It was so awesome!” a 12 year old boy threw his hands up in the air to try and give the explosive justice. Neva sat on the stool behind the counter and leaned over on her elbow and rested her chin in her open palm. The sandy blonde boy with dirt stains that would never go away smiled at her and chuckled a little.

“Roy, I already gave you an offer on your older brother’s speeder. The thing’s a piece of crap and I’d be taking it off his hands if anything. Maybe we can part it… but there’s no way you’re even getting half the credits you want for it. So why are you still here? This is a place of business,” Neva told him. His face slowly fell along with his arms. He brushed his long bangs out of his face along with her bluntness.

“I just thought since you said things were slow you’d want company.”

“I said things were slow, not lonely,” Neva said quickly. Roy smirked a little and put his hands on the counter and leaned in towards Neva. She moved her head backwards a little.

“I get it,” he told her.

“Get what?”

“Get that you’re being difficult.”

“You’re the difficult one.”

“You like my company, admit it.”

“Um, why would I tell you to get out if I liked your company?”

“Because you have a crush on me.

“Reverse psychology doesn’t work on me so stop it.”

“You’ll grow to love me.”

“The only thing you should be concerned about growing is your crops, farm boy,” Neva told Roy. He stood away from the counter and went out the door. Neva looked away from the open door of the shop and sighed.

“PAWN GIRL,” Roy shouted into the shop before disappearing.

“I’M NOT PICKING YOU TO BE ON MY TEAM FOR LIMMIE!” Neva yelled back. She got off the store and started to dust off the antique merchandise again. Not too long after a seven year old girl with hair as dark as Neva’s came running in. She panted and tried to catch her breath. Neva turned around and looked at her younger sister.

“Kee, where’s dad? He said he’d take over the shop an hour ago,” Neva asked her. Kee held up a finger to motion that she still needed time to catch her breath. Finally she spoke.

“Mr. Havnar asked dad how his daughter was.”

“And?”

“And… dad said ‘which one.’ And Mr. Havnar said ‘The one with the kids.’ And dad goes ‘Neva’s only 13 Jaret.’ And Mr. Havnar was all ‘No not that one, the older one,’” Kee took in a deep breath.

“So dad’s mad because Mr. Havnar thinks mom’s his daughter. And then Mr. Havnar doesn’t understand and had kids when he was like… 15… so then-” there were several shouts from outside Neva froze when she recognized one as their father’s.

“What’s wrong with you ner vode?!” Ori shouted as he pulled Neva and Kee’s father into the shop with the help of a young man. Their father immediately calmed down in the presence of his daughters. The younger man shut the door and looked back at the clone.

“Jaret’s a shabhead who can’t even aim straight when he takes a piss.”

“Ashivod, my daughters,” their father said giving the younger man a look. Ori still had a hand on his friend’s shoulder. It wasn’t out of restraint anymore. The cloned man had his head down. Neva went over to her father and hugged him. He put his arms around her daughter and Ori let go of his shoulder and stepped away.

COMMANDO SQUAD!

A GIRL NAMED SALLY FIXER

Punt of Zeta Squad writes:

we got a new medic and his name is messer. today for breakfast i had a ration cube with some water. then i hung out in the hanger and talked with my friends in the hanger. and then we met messer. he seems cool. we all got lunch together.

messer is not named after the mess hall.

“And this is the hanger!” Punt presented the hanger to Messer. Was a tour necessary? Messer looked over his shoulder at Striker and Krayt who had come along. They had more than enough time to bond for remainder of their lives. Messer bet they just didn’t have anything else to do.

“It’s just like the hanger on the other ship I was on...” Messer told Punt.

“Nu uh. Your ship didn’t have Sally. She’s a repairwoman! And Striker likes to hide behind the fighters and watch her,” Punt said. Striker hunched over a little and looked around as if he was waiting for someone to sneak up behind him and pounce.

“Sh sh sh! She could hear you!” Striker said in a whisper shout.

“No way, she’s way over there and her helmet’s on. See?” Punt said pointed at Repairwoman Sally. Krayt took a step back while Striker slapped Punt’s arm down. Messer leaned forward a little to see this repairwoman better. He put on his helmet and zoomed in on her. A strand of curly red hair rested on her freckled cheek. She stuck her tongue out the side of her mouth in concentration as she tried to fix a busted fighter. Her mouth twisted and she pounded her fist on the side of the ship and swore. Messer felt his heart flutter.

“I know what you’re thinking,” a voice came on the private squad channel. Messer jumped a little and looked over at Krayt, who had his helmet on now. Krayt slowly shook his head and waved a finger at him. Messer pulled off his helmet so he could get Krayt’s voice out of his head.

“So uh, where’s our room?”

“But I wasn’t done with the tour… We still have to see the medical bay…” Punt sounding a little let down by Messer’s lack of enthusiasm towards the ship tour.

“I’m sure I’ll see it soon and many times after… and I’m pretty tired and should get all rest up for our next mission! Where is it anyway?” Messer said as he clapped his gloved hands and rubbed them together. He looked over at Striker.

“Sergeant Meshkad say that we should practice teamwork exercises,” Striker told him in a rehearsed tone.

“…. So what better way to practice teamwork than to be dropped from a carrier to savage waste lands while being shot at?” Messer asked. Striker stopped and put his hand on Messer’s shoulder.

“You’ll soon lean how we operate,” Striker said giving him a pat and walking off. Messer gave him an annoyed look while no one was looking. He put his helmet over his head and muttered-

“Well at least we operate…”


MUSICAL BUNKMATES

“What’s your favorite color?”

“Yellow.”

“What’s your favorite part of your armor?”

“Shin guards.”

“What’s your favorite thing about being a clone?”

“Nobody looks prettier than me.”

“Hahaha- that’s a good one. Okay what’s your other favorite color?”

“Ye-… Blue?”

“Me too!”

“Really?”

“Yeah!”

“Nice…”

“Okay so that means we have another thing in common other than our DNA.”

“Really? So what’s your favorite thing about being a clone?”

“That I have so many brothers,” Punt told Messer. The demonlishionist had been determined to find out what the two of them had in common besides the obvious. At the mention of brothers Messer a little misty eyed. The faces of his previous squad mates flashed in his mind like a slide show set to soft music. Punt was so… precious…

“So we both like blue, we have the same DNA, we’re in the same squad, AND we both have lower bunks! Do you have any special talents?”

“Ah… um… first aid?”

“Cool! Check out what I can do!” Punt took out a small metal instrument and put it up to his mouth. He blew threw it and played a song for Messer. He finished and smiled at Messer who smiled back.

“Hey, not bad at all,” Messer told him.

“I can play it in another key,” Punt said as he played the same exact song over but slightly different. Messer nodded.

“That’s really good-“

“Now twice as fast,” Punt said just before he sped the song up.

“Yeah… wow…” Messer said nodding while Punt played.

“And in 6/8 time.”


STRIKER AND SALLY ROUND ONE, KRAYT THE BROKEN WINGS-MAN

“Excuse me… hey I said excuse me,” Sally walked quickly over to the fighter she hadn’t finished repairing. Striker held his helmet under his arm and had his other arm resting on the front of the fighter with his weight leaning on one leg and the other crossed over it. He looked over his shoulder at her. He turned his body around to face her.

“I don’t know why you feel the need to be leaning on that. But it’s broken and I’m asking you to move. Now,” Sally stopped a few feet away from Striker. The clones eyes looked to both his sides and then he pointed his glove hand to his chest plate.

“You want me to move?” he asked her. Crap that wasn’t what he had planned out to say. What was it?

“Yeah, I want you to move. So go. This isn’t yours and you’re not fixing it so don’t touch it,” Sally told Striker. He paused a moment and then left. He turned behind a pile of crates and let out a breath he had been holding. Krayt looked at Striker with his helmet on.

“That bad?” he asked him.

“Naw… just holding my breath to make my chest plate look more manly. How did you think it went?” Striker asked Krayt. The communications expert said nothing for a long time.

“Did you hear any of my advice? I was giving you advice on the private channel” he told Striker. The squad leader gave an exasperated sigh.

“Never mind… I get it…” Striker said.

“Just be yourself,” Krayt told him. Striker gave him a look.

“Yeah, and how would you know? I’ve never seen you within ten feet of a woman,” Striker said.

“That not true. I’ve been within 8 feet of a woman… I don’t like to get to close. Either they’re busy working and I don’t want to disturb them or I feel they’re afraid of me,” Krayt explained. Striker crossed his arms.

“I respect women… I uh- give them all the space they need… I get out of their way…” Krayt continued.

“You’re the most useless wingman ever. I’m going to back to the room.”